time and again i'm quite good at disappointing myself.
10/09; 21 nov 2008, it'll be a year to be exact since the last contact for the day which i've waited for throughout my entire sec sch life. and being able to be part of the family was really something that i wanted the most last year. i've grown to appreciate my seniors more and what i went through sort of made me think that being a leader was not an easy thing afterall. and when the camp day came, i wasnt able to make it. disappoinment
and as i progressed on the new year of 2009, i tried my very best to forget rc.but i cant. it's just a part of me. maybe because my social circle is made up of rc friends that is why it's kinda hard to forget my roots.just being able to contribute is something which i've been wanting to do eversince my junior years. no matter how hard i tell myself to focus on my academic and move on, i cant seem to do so. i've always told myself to look forward to november for the day which i had anticipated for in such a long time. true enough i'm going to join again. and repeat the whole process but is it what i want?
fad have been such a great bestfriend all along this difficult phase of my life. she has been the one who kept telling me that she'll be there for me during the camp and will help me along the way if i needed any guidance. and i'm really thankful for all those encouraging words. faezzah and cheewei have been really great batchmates as well. f is always there when i needed her. we've been super tight since sec sch although we're senior and junior, there's like a bond created which is beyond words. and wei has been and will always be the greatest squadmate that i could ever asked for. he even joined vip for my sake last year and i had to pull our due to family commitments and instead of being angry, he's quite supportive all along. he even encourage me to make the right choice and even volunteered to help me for the camp process. im really touched to have him as a squaddie and a shoulder to cry on. i know its not easy for him to join vip and its really touching to know that he really stood by me no matter what. =)
im scared that i might disappoint them again. or worse still myself. i dont know how to pick myself up again if last yr's incident happen again. i hope im strong enough to overcome all these.
study wise i'm quite disappointed with myself for underperforming. i know i am so much better than that. it's just that i feel empty and i dont feel as excited as i felt when i picked the combi when i was in sec 3. i seriously think i need to sit down and reflect. maybe satisfying my own needs is what i truly want?
honestly, i feel like giving up.
Friday, November 13, 2009
{ 10:27 PM on '' }
time and again i'm quite good at disappointing myself.
10/09; 21 nov 2008, it'll be a year to be exact since the last contact for the day which i've waited for throughout my entire sec sch life. and being able to be part of the family was really something that i wanted the most last year. i've grown to appreciate my seniors more and what i went through sort of made me think that being a leader was not an easy thing afterall. and when the camp day came, i wasnt able to make it. disappoinment
and as i progressed on the new year of 2009, i tried my very best to forget rc.but i cant. it's just a part of me. maybe because my social circle is made up of rc friends that is why it's kinda hard to forget my roots.just being able to contribute is something which i've been wanting to do eversince my junior years. no matter how hard i tell myself to focus on my academic and move on, i cant seem to do so. i've always told myself to look forward to november for the day which i had anticipated for in such a long time. true enough i'm going to join again. and repeat the whole process but is it what i want?
fad have been such a great bestfriend all along this difficult phase of my life. she has been the one who kept telling me that she'll be there for me during the camp and will help me along the way if i needed any guidance. and i'm really thankful for all those encouraging words. faezzah and cheewei have been really great batchmates as well. f is always there when i needed her. we've been super tight since sec sch although we're senior and junior, there's like a bond created which is beyond words. and wei has been and will always be the greatest squadmate that i could ever asked for. he even joined vip for my sake last year and i had to pull our due to family commitments and instead of being angry, he's quite supportive all along. he even encourage me to make the right choice and even volunteered to help me for the camp process. im really touched to have him as a squaddie and a shoulder to cry on. i know its not easy for him to join vip and its really touching to know that he really stood by me no matter what. =)
im scared that i might disappoint them again. or worse still myself. i dont know how to pick myself up again if last yr's incident happen again. i hope im strong enough to overcome all these.
study wise i'm quite disappointed with myself for underperforming. i know i am so much better than that. it's just that i feel empty and i dont feel as excited as i felt when i picked the combi when i was in sec 3. i seriously think i need to sit down and reflect. maybe satisfying my own needs is what i truly want?
